The Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

1. Once you have their money, never give it back.

2. You can’t cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.

3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.

4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.

5. If you can’t break a contract, bend it.

6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.

7. Always keep you ears open.

8. Keep count of your change.

9. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit.

10. A dead customer can’t buy as much as a live one.

11. Latinum isn’t the only thing that shines.

12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

14. Anything stolen is pure profit.

15. Acting stupid is often smart.

16. A deal is a deal … until a better one comes along.

17. A bargain usually isn’t.

18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

19. Don’t lie too soon after a promotion.

20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.

21. Never place friend ship before profit.

22. Wise men can hear profit in the wind.

23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest.

24. Never ask when you can take.

25. Fear makes a good business partner.

26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.

27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.

28. Morality is always defined by those in power.

29. When someone says “It’s not the money,” they’re lying.

30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.

31. Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.

32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34. War is good for business.

35. Peace is good for business.

36. Too many Ferengi can’t laugh at themselves anymore.

37. You can always buy back a lost reputation.

38. Free advertising is cheap.

39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.

40. If you see profit on a journey, take it.

41. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention.

42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.

43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.

44. Never argue with a loaded phaser.

45. Profit has limits. Loss has none.

46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.

47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than you own.

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent.

50. Never bluff a Klingon.

51. Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame.

52. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.

53. Sell first; ask questions later.

54. Never buy anything you can’t sell.

55. Always sell at the highest possible profit.

56. Pursue profit; women come later.

57. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum – treasure them.

58. Friendship is seldom cheap.

59. Fee advice is never cheap.

60. Never use Latinum where your words will do.

61. Never buy what can be stolen.

62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.

64. Don’t talk shop; talk shopping.

65. Don’t talk ship; talk shipping.

66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.

67. Enough is never enough.

68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit.

69. You could afford your ship without your government – if it weren’t for your government.

70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.

71. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum.

72. Never let the competition know, what you’re thinking.

73. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don’t trust.

74. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.

76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

77. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit.

78. Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers.

79. Benefit from the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

80. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.

81. There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

82. A smart customer is not a good customer.

83. Revenge is profitless.

84. She can touch your ears but never your Latinum.

85. Death takes no bribes.

86. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity.

87. Trust is the biggest liability of all.

88. When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something.

89. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

90. Mine is better than ours.

91. He who drinks fast pays slow.

92. Never confuse wisdom with luck.

93. He’s a fool who makes his doctor his heir.

94. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship.

95. Important, more impotant, Latinum.

96. Faith moves mountains – of inventory.

97. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend.

98. Profit is the better part of valor.

99. Never trust a wise man.

100. Everything that has no owner, needs one.

101. Never do something you can make someone do for you.

102. Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.

103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity.

104. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.

105. Wise men don’t lie, they just bend the truth.

106. There is no honor in poverty.

107. Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian Beetle Snuff.

108. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit.

109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

110. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.

111. Treat people in your debt like family … exploit them.

112. Never sleep with the boss’s wife unless you pay him first.

113. Never sleep with the boss’s sister.

114. Small print leads to large risk.

115. Greed is eternal.

116. There’s always a way out.

117. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is.

118. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price.

119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way.

120. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.

121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.

122. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

123. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.

124. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.

125. A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth.

126. A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view.

127. Gratitude can bring on generosity.

128. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

129. Never trust your customers.

130. Never trust a beneficiary.

131. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.

132. The flimsier the produce, the higher the price.

133. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet … sometimes good things come in small packages.

134. There’s always a catch.

135. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.

136. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!

137. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.

138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.

139. Wives serve; brother inherit.

140. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more.

141. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand.

142. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

143. The family of Fools is ancient.

144. There’s nothing wrong with charity … as long as it winds up in your pocket.

145. Always ask for the costs first.

146. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ.

147. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

148. Opportunity waits for no one.

149. Females and finances don’t mix.

150. Make your shop easy to find.

151. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much.

152. Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.

153. You can’t free a fish from water.

154. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece.

155. What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too.

156. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

157. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look.

158. Don’t pay until you have the goods.

159. The customer is always right … until you have their cash.

160. Respect is good, Latinum is better.

161. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life.

162. His money is only your’s when he can’t get it back.

163. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn’t.

164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone elses.

165. Never allow one’s culture’s law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit.

166. Never give away for free what can be sold.

167. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal.

168. Beware of relatives bearing gifts.

169. If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

170. Never gamble with an empath.

171. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum.

172. If you can sell it, don’t hsitate to steal it.

173. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer’s pocket.

174. Share and perish.

175. When everything fails – run.

176. Ferengi’s don’t give promotional gifts!

177. Know your enemies … but do business with them always.

178. The world is a stage – don’t forget to demand admission.

179. Whenever you think that things can’t get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door.

180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.

181. Even dishonesty can’t tarnish the glow of Latinum.

182. Whenever you’re being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES.

183. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine.

184. There are three things you must not talk to aliens: sex, religion and taxes.

185. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way.

186. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes.

187. If your dancing partner wants to lead at all costs, let her have her own way and ask another one to dance.

188. Never bet on a race you haven’t fixed.

189. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.

190. Drive your business or it will drive you.

191. Let other keep their reputation. You keep their money.

192. If the flushing isn’t strong enough, use your brain and try the brush.

193. Klingon women don’t dance tango.

194. It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

195. Wounds heal, but debt is forever.

196. Only give money to people you know you can steal from.

197. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives.

198. Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success – don’t hesitate to step on them.

199. The secret of one person is another person’s opportunity.

200. A madman with Latinum means profit without return.

201. The justification for profit is profit.

202. a) A friend in need is a customer in the making.

b) A friend in need means three times the profit.

203. A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free.

204. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it’s time to leave town until he’s gone.

205. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin’.

206. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians – it’s good to have a friend around when you lose.

207. Never trust a hardworking employee.

208. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.

209. Tell them what they want to hear.

210. A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady.

211. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.

212. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.

213. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides.

214. Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.

215. Instinct without opportunity is useless.

216. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself.

217. Only pay for it if you are confronted with loaded phaser.

218. Always know what you’re buying.

219. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.

220. Profit is like a bed of roses – a few thorns are inevitable.

221. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.

222. Knowledge is Latinum.

223. Rich men don’t come to buy; they come to take.

224. Never throw anything away: It may be worht a lot of Latinum some Stardate.

225. Pride comes before a loss.

226. Don’t take your family for granted, only their Latinum.

227. Loyalty can be bought … and sold.

228. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum.

229. Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.

230. Manipulation may be a Ferengi’s greatest tool, and liability.

231. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty.

232. Life’s no fair (How else would you turn a profit?).

233. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining.

234. Never deal with beggars; it’s bad for profits.

235. Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.

236. You can’t buy fate.

237. There’s a sucker born every minute. Be sure you’re the first to find each one.

238. The truth will cost.

239. Ambition knows no family.

240. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away.

241. Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression.

242. More is good, all is better.

243. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT.

244. If you can’t sell it, sit on it, but never give it away.

245. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.

246. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them.

247. Never question luck.

248. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised.

249. Respect other culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you money.

250. A dead vendor doesn’t demand money.

251. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

252. Let the buyer beware.

253. A contract without fine print is a fool’s document.

254. Anyone who can’t tell a fake doesn’t deserve the real thing.

255. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability.

256. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.

257. Only fools negotiate with their own money.

258. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets.

259. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know.

260. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don’t get caught in the process.

261. A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience.

262. No lobes, no profit.

263. Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit.

264. It’s not the size of your planet, but it’s income, that matters.

265. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend – choose wisely.

266. A pair of good ears will ring dry a hundred tongues.

267. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well.

268. a) When in doubt, lie.

b) When in doubt, buy.

c) When in doubt, demand more money.

d) When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else.

269. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value.

270. It’s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all.

271. There’s many witty men whose brains can’t line their pockets.

272. The way to a Ferengi’s heart is through his wallet.

273. Always count their Latinum before selling anything.

274. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice.

275. Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.

276. If at first you don’t succeed, try to acquire again.

277. Diamonds may be girl’s best friend, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum.

278. It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.

279. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes.

280. An empty bag can not stand upright.

281. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.

282. Business is like war; it’s important to recognize the winner.

283. Rules are always subject to change.

284. Rules are always subject to interpretation.

285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

286. Hear all, trust nothing!

287. When Morn leaves it is all over.


Tack till The last Ferengi at

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